Right to Exist

I never earned the right to exist.

I was not born with it.

I’m still standing on shaky legs,

like toddlers do.

Everything around me seems so big

and I cannot reach it,

too high

beyond my reach!

I can see my empty hand in front of my face

trying to grab the empty air.

It gets hold of nothing – nothing at all –

and slowly returns to its usual place:

my left hand holding my own trousers.

It’s lonely.

It’s painful.

It hurts.

But it gives me some reassurance.

There is a body.

There are some legs.

Legs that will move forever

to try and fill that empty air

with meaning…..

……so that maybe one day

my hand will get hold of something – something –

like a firefly in the dark –

that will give meaning to an existence

I yet have to earn.